Do you ever just feel like crying... for no real reason at all, other than you don't know where you are. Even though you're sitting in your o
home with the people who will love you unconditionally forever... and you still feel as though you don't belong. Why rock the boat, things are great... why do I feel so shitty?
Samantha had baby Mackayla this past Friday, I haven't seen her yet... I've been working.
I went to the doctor Friday as well. I talked to him about doing x while being on birth control and how it might affect my body with hormones that mimic my own... he says it shouldn't bother me but I don't think I'd ever want to die (not of something so ridiculous) so I'm unsure what to do still. We also talked about how I need to be tested more often, I don't feel bad but still he thinks if I'm having sex with so many different people I need to reassure myself more often. Some days I just want to get crazy and do incredible stupid things but then I remember I'm growing up I have to think of the consequences now. Dr. Robert told me to watch Eyes Wide Shut, it's about a man who has everything and wants more and sometimes it's just better to not know what else is there.
I know that when I write on here, I'm completely different than what I appear to be in person... people who know me don't really know me at all I guess... they only see the outside the girl who shows no compassion... the girl who only lives life to the fullest and doesn't care about anyone but herself...
I love being so strong, the one person who is never as weak as they are.... and when I read this pathetic shit I write... I feel as though the person writing this is weaker than any...
Kelli's wedding is this weekend... I'm going I almost feel as though I shouldn't go... I also have no clue what to get here... AHHH! I'd probably be more excited to go if I had a bit more cash flow... working my ass off for it though!
*on a positive note* I can't wait til my birthday... I'm getting another tattoo and I'm so excited!